hai

no one understands me.i hate myself worse then dirt on the floor.i may appear happy.but i cry almost everyday fer the band.i work for it.but who knows?nobody does.i feel tt i've failed failed to be a decent musician.failed as a SL failed as a member.feel juz worthless...read refat;s blog.wat now?dunno?im at losss....theres no compass to guide me,im lost.wat to do now?i dunno.......dun think anyone would ever understand me...tears i shed.all the shit i went thru.ppl can go on hating me i dun care i cant change anyone's opinion.i can..never can.i suck.tts it.all tt i;ve sacrificed it really dun mean a ting rite?y cant everyone committ?one last time tog as one????it really hurts to see this shatter apart within a month.is money tt impt at this age?job job job $ $ $ is tt all everyone can see in their eyes?i dunno.really..absoloutely no idea at all...always tryin hard to maintain my section;s attendence but seems lyk i;ve failed....y must we be at thsi stage whereby our conductor haf to hate us?y?dunno i dunno i dunno......