*^tears.befall^*

i dunno juz on the verge of breaking down agian?i really dunno who to ask for help sometimes.....lyk i relaly wish fer my members to co-operate more so tt we can have sectionals tog as in full section izzit really tt important to find a job n earn so much cash at this age?maybe fer huey min i understand.but amos...u sure u need so much money?i juz need on day one day of sectional fer everyone to be present....so tt we can play tog as one...izzit so hard to juz ask fer tt?n sherilyn wat attitude problem!!izit so difficult to gather all my memberS?y izzit so tt its so hard to go back to those good old days whereby everyone can always b present?harloe...its the holidays...haiz...n upon seeing refat lidat..i know i know he dislyks us already..but it hurts to see him lidat too, to see someone who used to enjoy ur band's playing so frustrated now.i feel so lost now?this is the second time in my life whereby i m feelin so lost and so stressed over something...haiz...i know we cant play as one cant watch the conductor.upon watchin ur conductor conduct in such a way....no one felt lyk playin.it hurts,it makes u feel guilty,lost,terrible,bad,n feel lyk killing yourself,knocking some sense into MYSELF n my members,n the worst TRUMPETER IN THE UNIVERSE!!its really very tiring to wake up every mornz n start worrying about attendence.coz tt happens to me as i've always had a hard time waking my members up n even to persuade some to come lyk i always had to give wake up calls....THE CONCERT IS IN TWO WEEKS TIME.n now stil feeling lost??no way.......this feeling sucks BIG TIME.really feel lyk screwing eveyrthin lahz......dun understand wat has gotten in us.i think i stil damn rough n violent i think i suck now i suck!!as a SL as a member!dunno im at lost...let tears juz flow?i'l get over it soon i guess n hopefully regain my energy n also get my members inspired!!the only one who is now AMOS N JIA WEN!!OMG!!!!god take me!!arGHHHH frustrating y so much attitude probe?dun wan come n all?y?????haiz...how??i wanna knock some sense into them!!????i honestly understand y refat's bhaving this way if i were him i would also be lyk tt.so i dun entirely blame him fer giving us hell.i dunno....feel sucky really....its time we should really do smth!we cant blame refat fer being so harsh.....its our partly our fault ppl...not as an individual but as a band.i dun wanna let my tears go to waste.i wil not give up.we gotta work hundred times harder now..i blame myself too for wat i've bcome.band pract ytd was hell...ran 30 rounds its ok.............lyk i've always said...work hard!!!NOW OR NEVER!!!